Barcelona is being so good to me. At the beginning of the month I had 4 days here solo. I met a bunch of great people who were so nice to me and took me out for some crazy fun nights. Then the beautiful Americans rushed in. Enter Amy, Matt and Michelle. I'm staying in a 2-bedroom flat which was perfect to house all of us. We prepped and headed out to No Where, the Spanish Burningman. We met Shannon and Brian - my friends from Seattle who I burn with - and then made our camp a home. They came up in a caravana and built a rockin shade structure and costume closet and did all the food shopping. The next few days we pigged out on their awesome prepared foods and bbq'd and danced around in costumes - or, errr, naked - and celebrated life a la Burningman. I thought I'd meet a ton of people from Barcelona but I think I met one. Most of the people there were from other European countries - England and Germany mostly from my perspective. While Burningman is 30-40,000 people this was about 500. It was CUTE. I met a lot of people who I was able to see again and again day after day - something that's just not possible at Bman. It was HOT. I'm talking 110 degrees plus every day with high humidity. As a veteran burner I am embarrassed to admit I got heatstroke and had a full day sick and trying to rehydrate. We all did so some extent. There was a creek close-by and that was a miracle. I don't do shared water but after Africa my views have softened on that type of thing and spending an afternoon in the creek was a hell of a lot better than sitting, roasting in the heat.

Fast forward, back in BCN, I lost Michelle to the states 2 days after we returned. 2 days later, we lost Matt. Amy's been with me the past week and will be here another, and it's great spending so much time with her. After not living in SF for 5 years I haven't had a lot of time to be with her day after day. I feel so lucky to have her here. This week I realized I need to get serious about finding a flat for the next few months and Amy jumped online, posted ads, answered them, made appointments, and today - we scored me a flat!!

I'll be living a block from Segrada Familia which I think is considered the neighborhood Gracia. It was really funny because we saw this place first today. There are 2 brothers who are spanish that live there. They are the cleanest men I've ever met and were offering me everything... they'd move out of the biggest room if I wanted it... they'd give me an extra shelf in the fridge if I needed it... they'd let me have the extra 1/2 bath if I prefer... I know it may sound like it could be sketchy but they are seriously the nicest most laid-back people ever. After seeing that apartment I went to a very SF-like renovated warehouse that couldn't have been farther from the opposite of option 1. Here lived a British Dj/promoter/artist. The warehouse space was funky and cluttered and built piece by piece. A make-shift loft here, a plywood table, awesome spraypainted/graffiti 'art'. To get to my room you'd walk out the back door to the backyeard and walk up stairs to a loft-like huge room. The floor was slanted about 15 degrees to one side but it was big! But to go to the bathroom I'd have to go outside, down the stairs and back inside. And the bathtub was hidden by this door that would pull out - like a secret door - and expand into an L shape to hide the tub. With no lighting, but the ceilings were high enough you got light from the rest of the place. And they had a dog that looked so much like Sadie. The decision between what was literally black and white was tough. Party Suzi really wanted to live in the artist space. Good Girl Suzi kept thinking how nice and clean option 1 was, despite being a bit boring.

Good Girl Suzi took over and I know I made the right decision. It was an interesting battle internally though. I was literally at a crossroad, looking down two very different paths. But I decided to go with what was more challenging (funny as that sounds). Live with people who will only talk Spanish to me, who will watch over me and be sweet. So I waived Adios to the party side. I feel like I made a very adult decision. A reason to celebrate! ;)


The truth is, I needed to take this path. When I was depressed and suffering having to go to work every day I thought that what I really needed was to live without responsibilities. To have time to do nothing, because then I'd have time to do the more important things. But what have I been doing? Sleeping late. Getting up and having a big meal. Walking around. Maybe sleeping more. Drinking. Eating. Repeat. I would have never thought I'd say this, but it's getting a bit boring. I need more structure and routine. I need a yoga class I can go to every day - desperately. I need some sort of responsibility. I need something to get me up in the morning. This is the relaxation I was needing but I'm right on the edge of sheer lazy. Life anywhere - even in Spain - without meaning is just meaningless. I think it's a good thing I feel this way. My closeted ambition is kicking me in the ass and reminding me every day that I need more in life to tick.

So next month is a new start. I don't regret this month of gluttony. Having friends visiting is awesome and I just couldn't try to focus on anything but them while they've been here. So I will drink my wine at lunch. I will eat my dinner at midnight and proceed to drink more. I will sleep in and when I wake I will lazily roam the streets of Barcelona, grateful that I have mi amigos aqui. And soon a new adventure will start. I will actually learn to communicate here. I will take care of my body again. I will find ways to give to the community. It's in me. It's just on hold. And for now, it's magic. :)

July 2, 2010

I smell like a gorilla. Joking but only sort of. My scent has changed since living in Africa and I can only relate it to that of gorilla.

BUT I am in Barcelona now and ridiculously contento! My flat is in the middle of El Borne with everything at my doorstep. The woman renting me her place has been amazing and has took me all over the hood showing me where I can find everything I need. MARIA is fucking crazy amazing. She's introduced me to her friends who are welcoming and funny and warm and incredible. I keep worrying I may have a heart attack because my heart is so powerfully beating and open. A deep breath, a smile. So muy contento.