Today was one of the most difficult days I've had in months. I sat in my Spanish class with a coffee in me and ready to participate and get in action. But when I sat down I felt like a blank page. I watched each of my classmates in our horseshoe of those student desks, with the chair attached to the desk, and for some reason couldn't understand anything around me. And what's worse was that all the other people in the class were speaking conversationally and putting sentences and grammar together (like they should be after taking a couple months of classes). And I couldn't put together a basic sentence.

I put giant, blinding walls around me but I could still see my body language from the others' perspective... I felt and looked so embarrassed, frustrated, angry, stupid and mortified. I was unconsciously pulling in my limbs and muscles, trying to be like a little beetle playing dead.

I rode the subway to the other side of the city and then home. I thought about how if no one spoke in this subway, you could forget you're surrounded by people you can't actually communicate with (verbally). City people in every city have a common thread. It may be in the clothes or the attitude or the dynamics. I am reminded... we are One World. I need to remind myself that I am trying to bring myself closer to the rest of the world and it's fucking hard. But I am here, and I am trying. And today was shitty.

On a last note, tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the US. I have a huge meal prepared for my friends here and want to share with them the warmth you have during this holiday in the states. I am looking forward to waking up tomorrow and seeing this world through lenses that highlight generosity, love, friendship and all the incredible things I've seen and done this year. WHAT. A. YEAR!!!