January 17, 2011

I’m sitting on a Lufthansa flight from Orlando to Frankfurt, and then BCN. 2 glasses of wine and a xanax in and my heart is still aching. I had a great time with my parents, spending a month in Hernando with them, living in their rental house with my puppy and kitty. My heart breaks leaving all of them. Although I didn’t grow up there, it is my ‘home’ in the states now, and after this month it really does feel like home. Waking up, walking the dog, then stopping in to see my parents and have a coffee. Then going back to my place and going for a hike with the dog. Then going home, cooking something super healthy and fresh. Then heading to the rents for happy hour, which sometimes starts at 3. I guess this is what life is like when you’re retired. Unfortunately my mid-life crisis and pseudo retirement is ending soon since I don’t have the savings to do this forever. But I do have a lot to look forward to and now I know. Doing yoga overlooking the slowly flowing lake, with birds bobbing for food while the dog looks ridiculously confused at me and then gently sniffs and licks me while I’m trying to meditate. It really is a little piece of heaven.

Tomorrow I will be in a new apartment I’ve never seen in a new neighborhood of Barcelona. I love change. Today my feelings are bittersweet. I am pained but what I am leaving. I am a little nervous about living in a new place. I’m also pretty excited about learning about a new hood and meeting new people. It feels good to feel. I feel loved and blessed at the moment. My heart is intact. The next few months bring more travel and adventure, and hopefully love and not heartbreak. To be continued.